I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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