worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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