tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
