that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
