Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize