i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
