Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
