i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
