i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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