Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
