im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
