Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
