ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The adults are the big ones right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
