I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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