i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
