omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
