Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
