in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
