I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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