he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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