A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
