Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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