My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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