Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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