He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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