We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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