My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
