That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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