Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
