It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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