dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
