sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
