worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize