I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
