Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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