she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
