just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
