if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
