My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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