Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
