Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
