You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
