Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
