So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
