WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
