You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
