the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize