the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
