i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
