Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
