Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
