just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
