I'm sorry my penis didn't work
her vagine was all disorganized.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
