she was so not down for the gang bang
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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