We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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