I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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