Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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