i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
