I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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