My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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