That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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