WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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