At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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