Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
