hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I am morally bankrupt
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
