I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
