Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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