i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
