4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
