Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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