We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
