Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
