I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
