I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
