now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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