The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
