u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
