Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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