Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
