I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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